---------------------------------------

When you’re trying to comfort someone trapped in an avalanche of anxious thoughts, it’s best to prioritize “presence over advice,” says Jaime Fleischer, director of therapy at Headspace, “and connection over correction.”

Too often, people try to rush their friend into feeling better, dismiss or minimize their concerns, or offer unsolicited advice, all of which can exacerbate the person’s already heightened emotions. It’s better to focus on being calm, compassionate, and nonjudgmental, and brainstorming ways to support your anxious friend.

We asked experts to share the worst things you can say to someone with anxiety—plus what actually helps them.

“Just calm down.”

If you want to stay on an anxious person’s good side, don’t tell them to calm down. It’s infuriating in part because it minimizes their experience and implies they have control over something that’s largely involuntary. “I’ve never met an anxious person who hasn’t tried every trick in their tool box to decrease their symptoms of anxiety,” says Leah Riddel, a licensed clinical mental health counselor who has anxiety. “No one wants to have a racing heartbeat or be sweating everywhere and shaking, with an upset stomach and racing thoughts.”

Instead say: “I see you’re scared right now. Can I sit with you?”

Focus on how you can show your friend empathy to connect on a deeper level, she advises. If you’re not in a place where you can easily sit down, offer a change of scenery: “Hey, want to go somewhere quiet and walk for a second?” It might be the opportunity to decompress that they need.

“There’s nothing to be anxious about.”

Anxiety doesn’t respond to logic. Yes, it’s statistically unlikely that the plane will crash or that the world is going to blow up tomorrow, but when you’re trapped in a spiral of worst-case scenarios, those facts mean very little. Avoid telling your friend that whatever they’re worried about isn’t a big deal or worth stressing over, says Aerial Cetnar, a therapist in Boulder. To them, it is, and that’s what counts.

Read More: 8 Symptoms Doctors Often Dismiss As Anxiety

If you downplay someone’s concerns, “it makes them feel like they’re doing something wrong or they’re having a bad reaction,” which can exacerbate their already on-edge emotions.

Instead say: “That sounds really hard. Want to tell me what’s going through your mind?”

You’re better off lending an ear. When people externalize their thoughts, they’re often able to gain some space from their worries, Cetnar says, which can help them start to put things in perspective. “Offering that space shows, ‘Hey, I have compassion, and I’m not judging you,’” she says. You can even add: “I’m here to listen, and if you want advice, I’m happy to give that to you.”

“Are you seriously worried again?”

The problem with pointing out that someone is anxious yet again—thank you, Captain Obvious—is that “it communicates contempt,” says Roselyn Pérez, a therapist in Ponte Vedra Beach, Fla. “It can come across as belittling the other person” or stoking “shame and a sense of unworthiness.”

Instead say: “I’ve noticed you seem kind of tense today. Everything OK? Let’s sit together and think through what’s been helpful in the past.”

While judgment shuts down connection, curiosity opens the door to support, she adds. Your friend doesn’t even need to explicitly tell you they’re anxious for you to gently ask them about it—if you know them well, you’ll be able to perceive that something is off with them. “You’re letting them know that you’re paying attention, and that you’re coming from a place of genuine concern,” Pérez says. “You’re creating a safe haven where they can open up, be themselves, and share their worries.”

“Everything is going to be fine.”

Your anxious friend might be worrying about something that has no chance of coming to fruition—or their concerns could be spot-on. It’s impossible to know for sure, so avoid offering false reassurances, Pérez says. “I’ve had many clients worry about things that, in reality, could happen,” she says. “The approach is never to say, ‘Oh, no, that’s not going to happen.’”

Instead say: “Let’s walk through what’s on your mind. What’s the worst-case, best-case, and most likely scenario?”

What works better, Pérez adds, is talking through potential outcomes—and making a plan for how to handle each one. That can help give them perspective and allow them to feel more prepared.

“You’re overreacting.”

This is one of the most dismissive things you can say to an anxious person because it often deepens self-doubt, which goes hand-in-hand with anxiety. “When people are anxious, they’re trying to scramble for ways to settle down,” Cetnar says. “By telling them that they’re doing too much, they’ll feel like a burden, which will make them feel even more anxious. They already feel like a burden to themself, and now they’re a burden to you.”

Read More: 8 Things to Say During a Fight With Your Partner

What to say instead: “Your reaction makes sense given what you’ve been through.”

Focus on reassuring them that the way they’re feeling makes sense. Doing so affirms their emotional experience, Cetnar says, while reinforcing that “they’re not broken for feeling this way.”

“Stop thinking that way.”

When someone is festering in anxiety, they’re often “truly not able to let go of it easily,” Fleischer says. Telling them to “just stop it” minimizes their very real physical and emotional symptoms.

Instead say: “Let’s sit down and take three deep breaths together.”

It’s more helpful to invite your friend to join you in a simple breathing activity. That small act might be enough to reset their nervous system, Fleischer says, and pluck them out of those all-consuming feelings of panic.

“At least…”

It might sound comforting on the surface, but telling your friend that at least it’s not worse—didn’t they hear what the neighbor is going through?—will probably backfire. “It shifts the focus away from the person’s pain and sends the message that their experience isn’t serious enough to deserve attention,” Fleischer says.

Instead say: “That sounds really hard. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”

A better approach: Let your friend know you care about and feel for them—no fancy words necessary. “Empathy doesn’t require silver linings,” she says. “True support often means simply acknowledging pain without trying to dilute it.”

“You just need to be more positive.”

Toxic positivity isn’t the antidote to anxiety, Fleischer stresses. Banishing anxious thoughts “isn’t a matter of willpower,” she says. “It’s a complex interaction of biology, environment, and experience.”

Read More: 4 Signs Your Body Is Telling You It’s Time to Take a Break

Instead say: “You’re not alone. I’m here with you.”

Tell your friend you know they’re doing the best they can, and that it’s OK to feel anxious sometimes. Doing so acknowledges their efforts and normalizes their emotions, which reduces the shame that so often accompanies anxiety. Then, remind them that you’re not going anywhere. Those are “the most healing words you can offer,” Fleischer says. “When someone you care about is experiencing anxiety, your job isn’t to fix it. It’s to show up for them.”

Wondering what to say in a tricky social situation? Email [email protected]

-----------------------------------------

By: Angela Haupt
Title: The Worst Things to Say to Someone With Anxiety—And What to Say Instead
Sourced From: time.com/7307336/worst-thing-to-say-anxiety-anxious/
Published Date: Wed, 06 Aug 2025 14:08:33 +0000

Read More